No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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