It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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