Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
