you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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