put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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