we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
