got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
