Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
