I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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