you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So squirting runs in the family.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
