So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
do herpes really smell.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
