I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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