just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
