Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
