she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
