I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
