I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
