I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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