You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
