He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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