dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
