I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
