so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
