I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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