WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
