So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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