hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
