just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she smelled like a LAN party
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He better not be in your backpack
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
