In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it because I queefed?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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