one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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