He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
