Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
