I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
