What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
