At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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