What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize