things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
