I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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