so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
being pregnant is like rehab
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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