Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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