you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
