Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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