My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
