you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
