We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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