I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
