I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize