matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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