I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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