well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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