The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize