my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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