If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
