i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
