Kiss
Puke
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
