would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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