By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
my poor anus
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
