This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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