Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
