My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
