the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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