I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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