yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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