Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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