The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
