Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
