Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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