I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
