i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
