sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
