Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
