Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
