So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
