i just wanna soil my oats bro
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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