Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
