dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
