If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
