Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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