So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
