I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
