we made out on top of his cat.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
